By Isabelle Dean - Class of 2024
The Charlotte Fellows program has shown me the value of seeing reality with clear eyes. The sad and the happy, and the endless array of what’s in-between.
Author Joy Clarkson says, “Sadness has her wisdom... Those who mourn know the full value of what has been lost and refuse to forget it.” These past weeks, I have found this to be profoundly true. Our Fellows cohort has spent time “sitting” in life’s rubble – what has crumbled apart from its original design. This includes deep pain in our city and world, grief of life as it should have been, and our own sin.
And these things are uncomfortable to sit in! After all, rubble doesn’t fall neatly on the ground. Its jagged edges nudge and prick so that I cannot forget where I am. And it can be painful.
But Clarkson also says, “The funny thing about sadness is that it wants to convince us that it is the truest thing. And sadness is a true thing. But so is happiness... Sadness is not somehow “more real.” She advises, “Do not be afraid to weep. But also, don’t be afraid to laugh.”
The point of seeing reality with clear vision is not simply to highlight one aspect of reality. Yes, let’s look evil right in the face. Let's fight it with the energy it requires. But it would actually be quite contrary to reality to claim that sadness overshadows all else. No, we have a responsibility and honor to see the fullness of reality. Both sadness and happiness, and everything in the middle.
This “everything in the middle” is where I have spent much of Fellows thus far. We have talked about "holding both" the hard and the good at once, and it has been transformative. It has shown me that having clear eyes for the half-ways and the not-quite-yets is of more value than blurred vision for the falsely complete. That the in-between is allowed. I've been learning how to grieve war and celebrate birthdays. How to weep with those who weep and dance when the time comes. When to cry out and when to let a whisper suffice.
The worst part of sitting in the rubble is understanding how beautiful the building once was. And the best part of sitting in the rubble is finding a blueprint of how it will be rebuilt. Revelation 21 says, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them...‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”... “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End” (Revelation 21:3-6 ESV).
So praise God that he will rebuild the rubble and make all things new, for that gives me freedom to see the rubble with clear eyes and a contrite heart, knowing the tears of today are true, but even more so is the joy of tomorrow. Praise God that we’re allowed to weep honestly, but also laugh honestly.
And praise Him that He, who is the Beginning and the End, still meets us in the in-between.