By Jessie Hosch - Class of 2024
“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10
Part of the beauty of the Charlotte Fellows Program is the space it gives us to think about the heart of our Savior. His mercy is not tightfisted. “Things about you that make you cringe the most, make him hug hardest” (Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly). What a privilege it is that I have been chosen by a God whose love depends not on my action but on His unwavering character.
Coming to Charlotte, I had many questions about God–if He was truly good and how He could permit suffering in this world. Growing up in a Christian home, I have known the “right” answers about God since I can remember. While I am thankful to have met the Lord at a young age, I believe for most of my life I have had a shallow understanding of Him and His heart. Harder questions were often met with “Have more faith.” To struggle and doubt was unacceptable and to question God was unfathomable. Because of this, I have lived a lot of my life striving to be someone God would be pleased with. I have strived to earn God’s approval–scared He would question why He allowed me into His kingdom. I struggled to measure up to the people in my christian sphere. I was not at rest in the title of “daughter” He has given me.
In joining the Charlotte Fellows Program, I have seen the Lord’s grace and kindness in the way he moves towards me gently, yearning for me to know the way He sees me. He does not need to do this to be worthy of praise, yet He does it anyway.
One way I have seen the Lord’s abundant grace in my life is through my host family and the wisdom they provide. Now, I did not grow up Presbyterian so a lot of the last two months have been filled with asking questions about the differences in belief between this denomination and others. One night, my host dad pointed me to Romans 9 which says,
“What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses,
“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”
These verses have slowly sunk into my heart over the last two months. God chose me–not based on anything that I could do or say. He will not let go of me. We are all undeserving of His salvation, yet He chooses to redeem us because it is in His character. We serve a God of redemption.
I have also experienced this kindness through going to the Barnabas Center (a counseling center). The last two months, my sessions at the Barnabas Center have been some of the most impactful teaching moments as we sit in the dignity and depravity that every story holds. In one session, my counselor said “God thinks you are special.” I know this may sound simple, but I have spent a lot of my life convinced God did not think much of me. Yes, I am broken and flawed beyond measure, yet God takes delight in His creation. Sitting in statements like this have opened my eyes to how often I misinterpret God’s heart towards me. He sent His Son to redeem the world–to restore relationship with broken human beings. “He refuses to abandon the work of His hands” (Wolters 71). There is beauty and brokenness in this world–and we have two hands to hold both.
Finally, God has shown His care for me as his daughter through my fellow fellows. Each of these people has shown me a glimpse into the heart of Jesus. Walking hand in hand with others as we recognize our brokenness, yet experience the grace of God has been a beautiful gift. The way these people love me and accept me with my brokenness reflects the heart of Christ.
I thank God often for The Charlotte Fellows Program and feel extremely blessed that He would allow me to be a part of something so beautiful.